Hais, the time now is 10:28am am and im up already. I really cant sleep, when i sleep, i always dream aboout our sweet times and when im awake knowing everything is over, i cant help but cry. Why does he have to treat me this way now? He said he`ll call me at 11+ 12+ but yet he didnt. I waited & waited and when i called him, his phone was off. My heart sank.. Who is he now? He isnt the marcus i use to know. The marcus i used to know wouldnt do anything that would hurt me. But why has his heart hardened in such a way that everything he does inflicts deep wounds on my heart? Gosh, i cant take this any longer.

Mommy & Crushiee told me to let go once and for all, but how could i do it so easily? Its a ONE year Ten month r/s. I dont understand why he would choose love that bloomed over a few days to love that lasted for one year ten months. The way we fell in love, everything was so special to me. I read the letter he wrote to me last time when we were tgt, he said that if he lived to 80 years old, he would wanna have a 65years 23725 days 569400 hours 34164000mins and 2049840000 relationship tgt with me. Hais... is that what people call sweet talk? Hais.. My heart feels physically heavy and the worst thing is that i cant bring myself to hate him, the worst thing is that i should have seen this coming but yet i closed not one eye but both so as to see what he wanted me to, the worst thing is that once i know that he wants me back, i`ll go crawling back to him.

I cant believe why his love for me has gone off just in a snap of the finger. He told me he loved me still, but why is he doing all this to put me thru the tortures of hell? I really try so hard to keep my mind busy with other stuff but yet everything i think of is about YOU YOU and YOU. Are you angry with what i`ve told you? if you are, let me tell you that that was a fucking lie. I know that this could cause the r/s btwn us to worsen but this was a gamble i had to take ! I wanted to show you, show you something that i could do and show you that i loved you so much to be able to come back to you, that was the only way i had in mind to show you how much i loved you, and i was hoping that if you thot thru what i said, you would wake up!Why marcus? Why did you have to do this to me time and time again? When that girl walked by, if you had thought about the pains you were gonna cause me, why did you hafta take her number? If you had controlled and she had walked away, would all this be happening now? Hais..

Love hurts. He was the one who taught me what love is called but yet, he was also the one who taught me how love could suck so much bcos it could hurt. I have never seen it coming. Why did it have to happen when i felt that something was wrong? instead of proving me wrong, you proved what i felt was going to happen. You practically pushed me down from heaven all the way to the dumps. That is a hard fall and i`ve told myself, after what happened with joyce, i should harden my heart so if it happened again, i wouldnt fall so hard. But i guess i dropped this pointer off somewhere and now im back to square one. I know crying wouldnt be able to get you back.. but what can i do besides crying? Im here battered with the bruises you caused me but yet you are out there somewhere having fun. Im so tired.. so so tired. Im willing to forgive you and give you another chance but you aint willing to give me another chance. Hais.. As i read back on my posts in the blog, i really cant help but cry. We were so sweet tgt, why did you have to spoil everything? I really miss you so much baby. Why cant you return to my side? Hais..

God, pls grant me my wish of an eternal sleep and take all this pains away from me now. Pls bless marcus with protection and take good care of him wherever he is. Amen.

最爱你的人是我 , 你怎么舍得我难过 ?